Captain's Log - Star Date 1

I arrive in Holland this morning at 6:00am. Good flight. Free movies, free booze, what's not to love?  The airport, while the signage was confusing, was the cleanest and most organized airport I've been in. A car picked me up at a place literally called "the meeting place". The driver's name was Joost and that's about all he said the whole time.  The hotel is pretty nice but it takes a long series of maze-meandering to eventually get to my room. I took a nap and then awoke around noon to go exploring. Here are my notes so far...

1) Whoever said the Dutch all speak English is full of shit. They all speak to each other in Dutch. All signs, products, instructions are in Dutch with no English translation. Oh you mean that gibberish they are trying to pass off as English? Sounds like damn Swedish chef cooking up a dish at Christmas dinner. Gobbly gobbly turkey werky.

2) I'm not sure where people buy groceries. I walked all over the city and went to every grocery store Google had. I finally found one called "Jumbo". It was the size of a QT. They did have a good veggie selection, but they didn't carry butter or tortillas!  Damnit man, I'm trying to make quesadillas here!

3) No bags. As I'm fumbling around this "grocery store" I have my little basket filled with a loaf of bread, two cheeses, 3 bell peppers, carrot juice, a bag of apples, a tub of smeer (fake-ass butter), and a bag of kale greens. The lady rings me up and says some made up gibberish. I interpret this to mean shes reading me the total cost. I hand her some Euros - because of course it's too convenient for a grocer to accept either Visa or Amex - and she hands me my change. This is when I realize not only do they not put your groceries in a bag but they don't have bags at all! They don't even have bags for sale. I look around and everyone in line has their own handmade shopping bags.  Awesome. It's now raining outside so i take everything into my arms, quickly realize I wont be able to carry the kale greens and dump them in the closest trash can.  I literally just bought something and then threw it in the garbage less than 20 feet away. That's inflation for you.

4) Everyone wear's tight pants. Super tight.

5) There are no black people here.

6) Bicycles have all the power. Eindhoven is the 6th most bike-friendly city in the world.  There are more bikes here than in Portland and they will run you over - whether pedestrian or car. And no one wears helmets. I saw two bikes get clipped by cars today and no one even got mad.